With the City Council changing Memorial Coliseum to Veterans Memorial Coliseum, I thought it might be helpful to do the same with other icons of Portlandia.
Forest Day Park
Everyone in Portlandia takes some pride in Forest Park, and it is a lovely place to spend a well-lit summer afternoon. If for some reason you are envisioning a romantic midnight stroll through the trees…no. Just…no.
Paulson’s Greed Emporium Park
I’ll admit, I’m inclined to dislike Merritt Paulson (owner of the Portland Timbers and former owner of the now-defunct Portland Beavers) simply because he is the son of Sata…uh, Henry Paulson, former U.S. Secretary of the Treasury and Wall Street puppet. That would be unfair. I dislike Merritt Paulson because he killed baseball in Portlandia, and if you think he won’t kill the Timbers if offered more money to bring in competitive ping-pong, you would be wrong. Also, he kicks puppies .
Powell’s Labyrinth of Books
I love Powell’s, you love Powell’s, we all love Powell’s. But if you haven’t gotten hopelessly lost there, I don’t think you’ve ever actually been to Powell’s.
Not an Actual Rose Garden Arena
Given the number of real (i.e., full of flowers) gardens in Portlandia, this seems like a necessary clarification. How many innocent flower lovers need to be trampled by a rowdy Trailblazers crowd before we do something?
Sellwood Or Bust Bridge
The bridge that scored 2 out of 100 may not be the worst in the United States, but if you got a score of 2% on a test, would you make fun of someone who got a 1%? A name change would ensure that people are aware it is only for people who really, really need to be antique shopping this very minute.
Chinatown Was Here
If you are looking for an authentic Chinatown in downtown Portlandia, you might (read: will) be disappointed. Yes, there is a gate (which is a nice photo op) and the Chinese Gardens (which are excellent), but those looking for an authentic Asian establishment will have better luck on SE 82nd Ave.
I know this is only the tip of the iceberg, so let’s hear your ideas in the comments and the best will be collected into a “Part II” article.